Rants of a Flaming Drunk in Chicago

I have returned...

2010-04-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have returned to my poor neglected blog. The only reason being that I need to rant about a certain issue.

I have wanted to be a father for as long as I can remember. And I do not know how or why I started looking, but I wanted to see what reasons certain individuals gave in hopes of denying gay couples the ability to adopt. I want my children to be my biological ones. Anyways, I, being the interested party, decided to hear both sides of the argument. (Needless to say the Homosexuality therapy institute had some words. I have a few for them too) BUT that is not for you to hear. I found a very nice impartial website after digging around.

I am going to summarize this for you. The first point states that gay people are incapable of supporting someones gender. The usual we'll brainwash our kids to be gay. They go on to say that gay people have an inclination towards suicide, and psychiatric problems. (I don't want to get too angry, but here is the website with the rest of the points that they make on it http://borngay.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000005 )

I find people like this infuriating. The only thing that should matter is that you are going to love your child, and provide for them! Love.

Brush off the cobwebs...

2010-02-25T23:39:00.000-08:00

I realize that I have UNFORGIVEABLY neglected my blog. BUT no need to fear my dedicated 2 followers, and that one whose long distance comments always make me smile, I shall return within the next week!

Those longings....

2009-10-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

So I awake...or stay awake rather. My sleep schedule has been flailing trying to find something to grab hold of, to no avail. After having a dental meltdown (spare details but it involves a frantic call to my mother whilst in the Jackson El stop, an emergency dental appointment, and a very scary tool called the "CAV-A-TRON!"). After working this summer (learning the value of a dollar(I am bitter now too) and realizing that without my mothers employer provided health insurance credit card I would be a wanted man, I have begun to long for the time when you could ask for 5 dollars to get lunch and that would get you lunch, dessert, and pop. The time when you were taken care of. When you didn't have to worry about bills? And after a night of late night blog posts from someone very close to my heart, they have sparked another desire in me. The desire for "THAT" time. The time when woman wanted to look like Jackie Kennedy. When they actually cared what they wore when they went into public. But women like that are a dying breed. Now girls go to class wearing a pair of Uggs, sweatpants, and a northface jacket, and feel that is acceptable attire for almost any occasion. And I find myself, for lack of a better word, disgusted. I digress though. So this longing has been awakened within. I want to go back to the time when Michigan Avenue represented something. When it stood for class, and sophistication, not your leased luxury SUV, your multi-million dollar MacMansion in the burbs, or (dare I say it) your brownstone in Lincoln Park. (I realize that in my most recent post I confessed to wanting this life, but one must understand there are those that possess class (hoping myself) and then there are those that do not. Who shop on Michigan Avenue just to say "Oh yes! I bought that at Burberry on Michigan.") One final thought, because I feel a rant a-comin'! I long for the single family homes of Chicago. They too are a dying breed. Where those children's foot prints on the wood floor tell volumes about the history of that home. But now the only thing on the floor is beer from last nights party. And that once beautiful home has been butchered into 6 identical apartments and possibly a depressing garden unit. What happened to history? What happened to decency? And what happened to class?

Back home...at least that's what I call it.

2009-09-21T02:31:00.000-07:00

At last, I have returned to the blogosphere to "enlighten" my 2 followers, and several other people who might blog browse now and then. I have returned to the city of steel, lights, and the city that enchants and haunts. While I was home during the summer, I would look forward to sleep. Every time that I lay in my bed, Chicago would reach me 800 miles away, and remind me of why I return to this place of ungodly cold, of homeless men invading my personal space. It is because this city that I recognize as my true home has truly stolen my heart. Chicago is one of the few women that I will ever love.

I will not bore my reader(s) about the tedium of Dallas. However, I will say that this tedium was punctuated with friendships that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

But now that school has started I love knowing where I am going. Physically. Mentally, I haven't the foggiest. I woke up five minutes late for class, and whilst putting on a pair of heinous shorts I had flashes of me working at Dominic's until the day I die. And no one wants that.

With that thought I have come to a realization. Also with the help of some late night Lady Gaga therapy, that I want to become one of those men that works till they get married. I want to be like the yuppie woman who work at their jobs until they find their mister right. They buy their MacMansion (mine will be a brownstone here in Lincoln Park or similar) and have my children. With that thought comes the thought that I am a terrible person, but at the same time, I am admitting it, while others just deny it. I have my life goals set and I aim for those goals. On that note, I bid you all good day, morning, or night. And thanks for reading!

Love, Rev RJH

P.S. Chicago, one of your children has come home. And is never leaving your embrace again.

Whoa...Its been a while

2009-09-02T00:23:00.001-07:00

Yes, I have neglected this blog for a while. But don't worry. My haitus will soon be over. I shall resume posting once I am back with my beautiful girl. Chicago.

Light on the horizon aka June 12th

2009-05-20T17:00:00.001-07:00

The cycle begins again!

2009-04-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I haven't written in a while, and there is much to talk about. Not to give it all away, but this list will help keep me on track, because if you have read any of my past posts you will know that I digress that it's no ones business.

1. I am 19

2. I am in the final stages of talking to someone

3. Spring Break

4. Class

5. The usual college kid angst

First off, on March 18th, I officially turned 19! I had planned on going to the Russian Tea Room, it has been a dream of mine since the last time I ate there. And I my first three choices were unavailable, due to a variety of reasons. But then I had the best time with someone that will remain nameless as he might read this. And oh it was glorious, I had some of the best jasmine tea I have ever had. And I cannot think of any better way of spending my birthday.

Following glorious Russian Tea I returned to LP, where I proceeded to sift through the 60 some notifications of wall posts on Facebook. I then went back to State and Randolph, and the gifting began. And while some of you might think that these are not "gifts." The love put into these gifts is what makes them gifts. An Iced Custom Berry Blast, a big smile, and a happy birthday was the extent of my gifting. And I have officially decided that this was one of the best birthday's I have ever had. Shortly after, and I will not focus on this point as parental issues are not meant for the blog-o-sphere, I did not get a happy birthday from my mother. I am at peace with it, it's happened before...

I have decided to skip over the final stages of talking to someone point. Only because as was mentioned before, he might read this, and lets not scare him of just yet.

As I try and collect my thoughts about this next point, all I can do is emit a contented sigh. Spring Break was wonderous, Dallas has remained the same, however more and more bits of my childhood neighborhood are being replaced by monstrous McMansions. And I can't help but wonder, what is it about cities that compels them to be in a continuous state of change. After reading taking a class about Chicago's progression from a mass of smoldering rubble to the concrete and steel jungle that we see today, I realize that cities seem to hate themselves, they disregard the past and are only interested in the bigger and better. I cannot help but pray that cities will recognize their past, and preserve it. MAJOR DIGRESSION! The weather was indescriably amazing. I flew down from Chicago wearing a track jacket, and once I arrived my Texan gene kicked in, I felt like emitting a "YE HAW!" at how great the weather was. But me being the always fashionable Bob Hogge couldn't bring myself to do it. Needless to say the weather was great. And upon returning to Chicago, I had hoped that Chicago's hormones had leveled out and the weather would slightly resemble spring. Then Chicago slaps me in the face. It gets freezing. In fact 3 days after returning home, it snows! Wonderful! School starts tomorrow, and Chicago hates me!

Class has started. I have decided that DePaul is seriosuly medicated, because the quarter system is ineffective. I have to buy more books, endure extra stress from three sets of midterms and finals, and to top it all off every first day of the quarter is like elementary school all over again. You don't know anyone, and you pray to God you don't drop your lunch tray in the cafeteria. Luckily, I have gained more confidence, or perhaps it is that I will probably never meet my classmates again after the quarter ends, I go head first into conversation, looking for the smart person so that I can leech off of them. Manipulation...I am a terrible person.

Finally, the usual college angst. My roommate left for California, and my room all of the sudden no longer smelled like death. It smelled well, pleasant. I have received my housing application for next year as I was determined to walk as little as possible in the winter. That was until....THE OMEN. My room selection number, I kid you not is 666. After discovering that several of my controlled substance's that I require to function in school had gone missing I decided to check my mail, and get even. Apparently my roommate had also intended to live on campus next year. To my extreme and utter disbelief, his number was 91. After throwing this discovery in the trash I decided that off campus housing seemed more appropriate, so now I just need to go through the hassle of searching for an apartment. I cannot help but do my T. Rex arms out of stress.

There, you are caught up. Sorry if this one was boring. I shall attempt to be more poetic in the future.

Love Rex RJH!

Indecision sucks!

2009-03-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

So over the past few weeks I have been doing a sort of reevaluation. And I have come to realize that, not only am I a bitch, but I have no concept of money, and I am never going to be able to make it in the real world if I do not learn the value of a dollar...OR CAN I? So I was thinking about certain professions in which people make a lot of money-Doctors, CEO, President (or some other head of state.) And while the latter sounded the most appealing, I fear that I would turn into some sort of like high school assistant principle and go on some sort of power trip. Anyways, my mother and I were texting. I find this mode communication so much more...tolerable. Anyways, she gave me a good idea, I should be a psychiatrist. She did some math work, because anyone who knows me knows I cannot to math to save my life! And I am satisfied with the possible income. And while the money that I might possibly make would suit me quite comfortably, I am faced with a terrible dilemma.

I am not normal, anyone can tell you that. I have malignant mother issues, resentment for my sister, a fear of abandonment, an irrational fear of cockroaches, and whenever I see cute babies I think they are judging me. And it is because of these aforementioned fears and emotional issues that I wonder, "Would I be a hypocrite for counseling people?" For as long as I can remember, I have been the listening friend. The friend that you can vent to, and as I sit on my bed, lightly stroking the keys of my computer, I wonder...should I capitalize on that, or destine myself for a life as a penniless journalist.

Still freezing in my thermal undies

2009-02-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

I realize it has been a while. Perhaps it was all the drama, and inner conflict. A majority of which was cause by the weather. "Do I WANT to go to class today? Am I willing to endure this hellish cold to get to the SAC?" The usual answer is no, but some unknown force compels me to put on my afortmentioned thermal underwear. And make the long block and a half treck to class.

I digressed there. There actually has been a lot of drama, mostly self induced. I think that I may have said this before but it seems that right as I get a hold of my life. A major peice of it just falls apart! I don't know if this is how it usually is, but I know it happens to me. Except now, the little control I had has slipped through my fingers never to be recovered. I have a research paper, and a paper talking about Daniel Burnham's Great Chicago Plan, due on March 4th. So most likely from this day forth I will be found chain smoking outside my dorm, frantically throwing research and other such sources around my room, and sleeping amid a mountain of papers, looking a hot mess.

Not only do I have the daunting task of major papers on the horizons, I have been required by the head matriarch...I like that, it adds a feeling of emotional detatchment that fits her quite well. Anyway, I have been commanded by her to send down all of the receipts to account for my slowly declining bank accounts. (Just a side note: I went to chicago thinking, it is almost a thousand miles away. How will she be able to control me?! SOMEHOW she found a way!) I have decided to not provide said receipts as most of my purchases are "undocumentable." I jest, but a vast amount of my money has gone towards Chicken Potstickers at Wow Bao, and Raspberry Hot Chocolate at Argo Tea. I long to just declare independence, then my mom has to pay more taxes. But then that means I will somehow have to procure $44k a year to pay for my education. So I am trying to weigh the pro's and the con's and while the pro's of making my mother aware of the things that I am buying are, I would sooner dive into a mountain of broken glass, than give her the satisfaction of knowning that she still has control over me.

Now we get to the recurring theme of almost every single one of my blog posts: the contempt, or perhaps hatred that I have for my mother. And trust me when I say, that this hate is not unwarranted. The rap sheet on her is unending, she put me on adderall in second grade, and from then on used it to control when I was being myself. She gave me unending grief, even to this day, about wanting to go to my first choice school.

However, two people have given me great advice. Person number 1 knows all of my demons, and said that even though I don't feel love, I should recognize the sacrifices. And I guess I do recognize them, this education will be the only thing I will sincerely thank my mother for. And person number 2, has given me hope. That even though right now, I have little happiness in my love, or parental love. (I got boat loads of friend love.) I can start anew with my children. And I can say that without a doubt, that I will love my children unconditionally. To these two people, I would like to say thank you. I would like to say so much more, but then it would get creepy. And no one wants that.

As I sit here on my bed looking out at Chicago. I can see a few rogue snowflakes riding an updraft, hitting my window, before finally falling to rest on the ground. And I can see the two spires on the top of the sears tower. And I can say with absolute certainty that I will be seeing those for the rest of my life.

FINALLY....

2009-02-06T01:44:00.000-08:00

Over the past 5 weeks I have felt like I have been drowning, left adrift in the sea of academia. But last night I stayed up all night and did 10+ math homework assignments, and with the passing of midterms, I feel like I am finally back on track...somewhat. Something that I find slightly unsettling is that I have only taken 2 midterms, and midterms week ends tomorrow. Or rather today, DAMN me and my night owl habits!

Recently, I have been sick. And now that I have made an almost full recovery, I am trying to find things to kill time. These activities used to consist of playing MarioKart for Wii, watching South Park online, and Facebooking. But now that I am better, I feel like I have changed. I don't want to watch South Park, or look stupid with a Wii-mote. I want to go out and do things! I want to stay up all night and go watch the sunrise over the lake. Its just my luck that this zeal or hunger, or whatever it is for life, comes when the temperatures remain in the single digits.

Also, while I was sick I forgot about friends. And it seems like so many emotional things have occured, and I have realized, that I want a boyfriend. My friends have significant others, and I am the fag bangle (hate the word, but I totally am a fashion accessory) that goes to parties and eventually ends up sober sitting you, and going home to my empty. Not trying to get pity, but I have finally realized that I want someone. Not only do I want a boyfriend, I want gay friends. I want my group of boys (or girls, ;)) to go out with on saturdays and then get hangover brunch at Nookies or Clarke's. And so far my plight for brunch buddies has produced Patrick, who has so much drama in his life that it could choke a whale.

My last topic, I promise. My mother, a displaced Yankee, has decided that she wants to live in Chicago, woman is smoking crack if she wants to endure this weather! (Don't get me wrong, the city is great. Just give me some reasonable temperatures, possibly above freezing. I prefer not to see a single digit on my dashboard, while I debate about wearing my thermal underwear.) I digress, and so while I am trying to establish my identity, which as the title of this blog would indicate is being the alchoholic gay man that is so flaming he asfixiates people with his fumes, my mother tells me that she is getting her lisence (medical) and is looking at houses. WTF?! I came to Chicago to escape your matricarchal oppression, and all of the sudden a nice change of scenery is what you need?! What seems even more convienient is that my mother is looking for places in GUESS WHERE, Lincoln Park, Lakeview, and Wicker Park. All of which are RIDICULOUSLY CLOSE TO DEPAUL! And while I support my mothers decision to focus on her own life, I would prefer that she begin this focus at a safe distance. Prefferably 5+ hours away.

Anyways, thats all I have to rant about for right now.

Writing from my room, in Lincoln Park, on the north side, in Chicago, and with love, Rev RJH

Smug snow!

2009-01-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

Hello all, it has been a while since I have posted so I thought why not update. Well school has officiallt started. I find it sort of comical, in a sense, that people are still at home, twiddling their thumbs away waiting to go back to school, while I am already back. Well, I'm sure they are not twiddling their thumbs, but you know, night time antics do get boring after a while. Anyways, they cold has hit me, and I remember saying that I could handle it. Thermal Underwear?! PSH! My loins of steal can withstand any cold. And then I step outside. Loins of steel indeed. It is a crippling cold. A cold I never imagined possible. And then to top it all off and UNGODLY windchill. Yes I am officially in hell. However, today it is a balmy 18 degrees. Yippee! At least the sun is shining, it makes the snow go away, so it isn't so much like communist Russia when I walk to class. On a side note, I pity the people at UIC. If I went there the Dan Ryan (or whatever major highway that is) would have called me a long time ago. Their campus is so, UGH!

I continually digress jeez, ANYWAYS, until today, I was sort of feeling adrift, I think it is because I have taken my medicine. And while it usually makes me feel terrible, it seems like today is a good day. Usually I want to hurl myself on sporks, or inflict some sort of pain (nothing too drastic, thus the spork) so I can feel something. Its like in Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, "When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive" And right now, I feel alive, which is quite a change. OMG! Digressions-R-Us, continuing, all of my friends are back at school which is nice, I got the oldies, and the newies. And I got the weekly, I am worried about you, but I love you lecture via AIM, and its nice. It shows that I have people care about me.

I have a rant, more of a cute little observation. I find that mothers like me. I think it is because I am sexually non-threatening. I officially have two mothers that would take me in off the streets if I needed it. Neither of which need to, but you know, its good to know. Just wanted to say thank you, to both the children, and the mother, for loving.

Love Rev RJH

New Beginings

2009-01-08T14:23:00.001-08:00

Ah new years. New beginnings.

Sorry about that last post. I was in a funk, but I am no longer in said funk. So I thought I would update everyone! I am back in the city of bright lights, of great fires, and even greater friends. And that is all I wanted to say!

"Home" again

2008-12-25T01:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while. So I take up my electronic pen and paper and pick up with the most recent events. I am back home, but we will get to that later. I have left Chicago. Wonderful, beautiful, urban Chicago. And am currently in Dallas. Unimpressive, conservative, suburban Dallas. And while I did get to see friends, friends that I love, (this will sound horrible) me seeing them doesn't seem to outweigh the hatred I have for this city.

I sit up awake in my bed. Someone who doesn't know might see this as a child excited about Christmas. But this is not holiday inspired sleeplessness, this is in fact depressing sleeplessness. While I was trying to fall asleep I came to a realization. I hate everything about my so-called home. My family: My mother who has played favorites ever since I was born out of wed lock. My sister: The perfect child who wasn't expelled and lives such a great life. On the outside my mother tries to make it seem like, "Yes, a single working mother of two can make it work!" Like some terrible commercial. When in fact, it doesn't work. AT ALL! Our family is like a sinking ship. My mother is still trying to believe that everything is fine, that our family is normal, or within the worlds standards of a "weird" family as everyone has a weird family. Well, our family isn't like that. We are dysfunktional beyond belief. We fight all the time. We do not resolve conflicts, we just get quiet for a while and move on like nothing has happened. And that brings me to why I hate this place. This structure that I have called a home is not in fact my home. These four walls with there disgusting paint job and cracks , have in fact held me captive.

I hope to never return to this place again. The funny thing is, is that anyone who knows me will tell you I hate the cold. I LOATHE it with every fiber of my being. But I would rather be wandering the streets of Chicago a naked whore. Then be here in this so-called home. This place of opression, depression, and tears. And perhaps the worst part about this home is that there is no love. I am not sure that love ever actually existed. And people can say that the cars, the education, are all signs of love. But with these material things comes an unimaginable guilt trip, and if love had inspired all of these things, the person who gave them to me wouldn't guilt me, they would be happy that I am happy. And say three words that I have longed to hear for far too long. I love you. The parental love, the love that say that I will die for you. The worst part about that is, I can't remember the last time anyone has said that to me, and even worse yet, I don't think they ever will. And while this might sound pity party-ish, its true. But what I want you to see, when you see me, is not an unloved person. I want you to see someone filled with love. Love that needs to be given to others. Because no one should have to live in a place where they don't feel love.

This is a really sad blog post, sorry. Dallas gets me down. I'll write a happier one when I am back in Chi!

This song embodies what I feel when I am home. Everything about it says what I want from my mother.

End of the quarter

2008-11-21T12:06:00.001-08:00

So I can't really think about what to rant about, but I figured that it has been too long since I last posted. But a lot has happened. A friend nearly died. I lost (did I really lose it) a roomie. Made a new friend. And I finished my first college classes.

I do have one thing that I want to write about. I was in mortal fear this entire quarter that I was failing my classes. I mean, I went to retarted HS and now I am going to a real university. And even tho I know I am passing all of my classes, I am still in fear that I am going to flunk out. If I wouldn't have left my original HS for reasons (if you don't know, you should not be reading this blog) I probably would have flunked out anyways. So I think that I am now in this mindset that I am set to fail. But as I sit on my bed, listening to Marching Bands of Manhattan, I realized something. The person who put me in that mindset is my mother. And you know what.... I could care less what she thinks about me. She doesn't know me. The closest we have ever been physically and emotionally was when I was in the womb. And I aim to prove her wrong! Thats right mom, focus on the favored child, and I'll do just fine without you.

If you are still reading this I want you to know, that even tho I may not know you. I love you. Because you are taking the time to read a random persons thoughts and feelings. And there need to be more people like that in this world.

Love, Rev RJH

The World is a-changing, or will be...

2008-11-04T14:47:00.000-08:00

I awoke today with the sun shining in my face. I got up and stretched, and it hit me like a brick to the stomach. History will occur today. And this feeling hasn't left me since. I was walking back from class, and as the sun set, with brilliant colors, I felt like the sun is chrushing down on my chest, and I can't catch my breath. But you have to ask yourself "What does this election mean to me?" I think that this election is so important because we have essentially grown up in war. And we had no choice about who was to lead us into this war, and now that we have a choice, it seems like our civic responsibility. And when people don't vote just because they don't want to, I am filled with such RAGE! I would kill to vote, but apparently Texas doesn't believe in absentee ballots.

As I recieve an IM I realize what this feeling is. It is a feeling of numbness, like how I feel when I take my focalin. Perhaps this is because I was unable to vote and I had/have no say in who will be leading me or this nation. And that is scary to me. Comment if you think this is irrational, or offer your thoughts. Don't give me hate because I support, just offer constructive words.

The traumas of college

2008-10-22T00:37:00.000-07:00

I sit on my bed recounting the events of the past few weeks, and I feel this deep sense of, hopelessness. I know that sounds emo, but its true. Everyone dreams of the day when they leave home and go to college, I know, I was that way too. And I chose the best city, and the furthest place from home. And I realize, that friendships that were my LIFE in HS, are slowly but surely dissintegrating. I called my friend the other day, and I couldn't for the life of me find anything to talk about. Perhaps this is a good thing. Perhaps college is where you go to solidify the new friendships you have and leave the drama filled friendship behind.

But I find myself homesick, craving these friendships. And my bed. Bestie went home for the weekend, and I was so jealous. Also, I have noticed that I have ennui. I didn't really know how to incorporate that gracefully, but I have. The past few days have consisted of getting drunk, eating massive amounts of junk food, wanting cigarettes, watching Little Britain on Youtube, and bitching about the weather. You know college is supposed to be about education, and I am doing everything BUT! I am also bitching about the lack of a certain someone who adds a dash of excitment to my life. But for his sake I will not talk about him.

Just wanted to see if anybody else feels the same. Now for a rant. I went to PLuS (LD program) and scheduled my classes. And I wanted to know about intersession. Intersession is this three week period in between Thanksgiving and Christmas in which I can gain credits. I want to do it, and my mom wants me to do it too. I bring this up to my clinician, and he tells me that it is too hard for me! I wanted to yell, scream, stab him with his shitty kiddy safety scissors! I am not like most of the kids in that program. I AM CAPABLE! I WANT TO BE CHALLENGED! I am not pay 46k a year to get an easy education. I felt like someone going to an expensive car dealership and the salesman saying that these are too expensive for me! Now, I am angry. I need a drink. Peace and love darlings!

Sexy botch!

2008-10-11T23:45:00.000-07:00

Once again, shock and awe across the nation as I have posted again on my blog. I also believe that I will begin all of my musings (aka rants and pathetic stories) with "I sit here/upon/on/etc. on my bed" If you think I should do so, please comment and say so. If not, comment and give ideas! GRACIAS! Now on with my rants.

I sit here upon my bed listening to Nocturne No. 20 in C-Sharp by Chopin and I am thinking about the past week. Rather trying, for reasons, that I do not want to discuss. If you want to know, text me and I will tell you. ANYWAYS! I will recount this weekend. Olivia texted me on thurs and said that she was gonna ask her godmother if I could go to God Squad. I love you Olivia. We pregamed way too hard core in my room, because by the time that we got to Katie's (Liv's gma) I was pretty drunk. Reaching that point where you don't care how the drink tastes, just as long as it has alchohol. Then I forged the way to the Loft. I was very pleased to arrive, heaily inebriated. I had resolved to have one drink and then go home. I ordered a drink that sounded superb, a gin, vodka, lemonade, and cranberry. As I sat down in the smoking room to smoke a cigarette, I placed my drink down on an IKEA ottoman. Then this DOUCHE BAG (I feel a rant coming on) KNOCKS OVER MY MOTHERFUCKING DRINK! I SERIOUSLY WANTED TO BEAT THE GUY UP! BE THAT OBNOXIOUS ANGRY DRUNK GUY THAT GETS PISSSED WHEN SOMEONE SPILLS YOUR DRINK. AFTERALL, HE WAS THE OBNOXIOUS DRUNK GUY THAT UNKNOWINGLY KNOCKS OVER YOUR DRINK! Anyways, I decided that I would just leave, I went to the golden apple, and eventually hired myself to go see bestie Lauren at Columbia. I brougth my golden apple leftovers and we watched Junebug, which if you haven't watched it, I must tell you to watch. AMY ADAMS AMAZING!

Saturday, almost a total bust, due to the lack of alkie. Liv and I decided to go to Y2K Cafe. I ordered the peking duck, SO GOOD! However, it isn't sitting too well with me. Liv got the beef low mein. The dinner was delicious, and during the 20 minutes that it took us to put our order in, we decided that we would troll down Halsted through Boystown. I felt this especially fitting because I was sporting my gifted Burberry polo, my recently purchaced 20's vest, awesome Lena recommended hat, and light jeans. So we wandered around. I had two guys hit on me. One was the quintecential BAD gay guy. The guy that is balding, and is shaving it, and has a big nose, and looks 50 years old. Then one was a fat black guy. BUT I did purchase a halloween costume, that will most likely be SO absurd that it will be amazing, and spoken about for years to come.

Now I shall progress onto deeper matters.My highschool career is not what you would describe as average. I got expelled for selling aderall, don't aks me for any, I don't take it, and u think I'd make the same mistake twice?! ANYWAYS! So I go expelled and then went to a retarted kids school. And my bestie Lauren was always there for me. And now I am in college, and I feel like I was jipped in HS. My english teacher has told us to forget everything we learned. FUCK the normal essay style. While I find this refreshing, I feel like he is the only person who does this.

Now I come to Olivia. We are married on Facebook. And we are having a baby named Dariusz Benjamin Banter Douglas-Hogge. And she is my DePaul bestie. And while I am creating all of these new friendships, I still have this regret in the back of my mind. A good friend from back home has decided to cease all communications with me. The reason is understandable, however, it seems as tho the 3 years of friendship have not existed. But I suppose that that is the purpose of college, to leave your old friends, and to make new ones. Oh, and get an education!

I realize that this post will be hella boring, but, why the hell not?! Just like Kinky!

P.S. I have also decided to make a soundtrack to my life. It is as follows:

1: Here I Come by Fergie

2: Kids by MGMT

3: Town With No Cheer by Scarlett Johansson

4: Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel

5: Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson

6: The World Is Not Enough by Garbage

7: Nocturne No. 20 in C-Sharp

8: Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado

9: Outrageous by Britney Spears

10: Mr. Brightside by The Killers

11: Homecoming by Kanye West

12: Labels or Love by Fergie

13: Move For Me by Kaskade

14: Come What May from Moulin Rouge

15: Crush by David Archuletta

16: Speakerphone by Kylie Minouge

17: Disturbia by Rihanna

18: Buttons by PCD

19: Jump by Madonna

20: Womanizer by Britney Spears

21: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

22. When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne

23: No One Knows I'm Gone by Scarlett Johansson

24: See You Again by Miley Cyrus

If you see any sort of chronological order let me know!

2008-10-04T16:38:00.001-07:00

Hello all! SHOCK! I have done a second post on my blog. I am waiting for the n horsemen of the apocalypse to appear. Until then, I will relay my week to you.

Monday, I got the delightful news that my essay that was supposed to be due this Wednesday is due the Wednesday after next. HURRAH! I have more time to procrastinate. It also gives me more time to actually go to Wal-Mart and observe people instead of fabricating observations. However I am quite sure that my observations are accurate. For example, HEINOUS CLOTHES! Organized from XXXL down.

Let me abbreviate the rest of the weekdays, more procrastination, and bitching and moaning (justifiably) about my incompetent math teacher.

Friday however we went to see street car. It twas amazing! I cried 3 count them 3 tears at the end of the play. After the play we went to the after party which was a total bust except that they didn't card for the first 30 minutes. So I was able to get sufficiently buzzed. We then returned to LP. I got my enormous bottle, equivalent to handle, minus the handle (they should just call it the college bottle) and deposited it in Olivia's purse and ventured to Ambrosia, the shitty hookah bar, with my wife Olivia, great Jewish mother Lena, hairy Kyle, Kyle's spiky friend Zackers, sporty Derrick, and slutty Diana. There was massive making out occurring that night. Lets recount.

Lena/Olivia

Zackers/Olivia

Lena/Kyle

Kyle/Diana

Diana/Derrick

Bob/Zackers

Bob/Derrick

Olivia/Diana

The making out between Olivia and Lena received claps from the other table. Olivia now OWES me a makeout session, which will be fulfilled tonight! I anticipate there will be more making out. LENA why do you have to be allergic to alcohol?! I have the urge to make out with this Anne Hathaway look-alike. She is a good jewish mother, and looks like Anne Hathaway!

I now lounge upon my bed like Cleopatra on the barge anticipating the wonders in store for tonight. BOOGIE NIGHTS party. I got the most disgusting shirt from the most amazing consignment store! I now must shower and get ready for a party tat promises to be AMAZING!

Thanks for reading, and if the horsemen have appeared, will someone give them my cell number?

And so it begins...

2008-09-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

I sit here on my extremely uncomfortable bed in my dorm, which looks a whole lot like a Siberian gulag, and think "SHIT! What am I going to write about?" In all honesty, I will probably only post once, and then forget that this even exists. ANYWAYS, I digress, and I came to a semi-epiphany, probably induced by lack of sleep, my college life consists of running around campus, eating massive amounts of sub-par cafeteria food, texting people on Le Sidekick (my security blanket), doing homework, and getting wasted. And I realized that nix everything else except the latter, and life would be perfect!

Now just rants..

People ask me why I came to Chicago from Dallas. WTF? Why not?! Its Chicago, and I was in the Bible belt. I have met some of the best people here. And some of the worst. One example of the latter, some girl from m orientation group heard from someone that I was dealing coke out of my dorm, and wanted to buy some. WTF?! And the people in the former catergory, Lena, gonna be a great Jewish mother someday. Olivia, my fb wife. And an assorment of others who are equally, but differently important to me, I just spend most of my time with those two. Oh I almost forgot, an old friend, Lauren. Been there since the beggining.

I am going to bed now as my spelling is quickly begining to detriorate.